It all came tumbling down

Where should I start? Hmm... So many things have been happening.

Lets start from some things that I've been reflecting this week, which I shared in cell tonight.
Thanks Raymond for your sharing, because without your sharing (about having so little money left after your Korea trip), I won't be able to share this.
I had been thinking what's the real reason for me to not go Korea this year. I had always thought that "maybe God doesn't want me to go this year because I only had $300 in my savings, it's not enough even with more sponsors' help." But recently, another thought came into my mind while I was wondering "maybe God wants me to go Korea this year, He has been prompting since the start of the year. Have I been of too little faith to trust that He'll provide me with the money to go? Trusting that my mum will understand why I spent all my savings and leaving none for my NUS expenses just for this trip?" And when I heard Raymond's sharing tonight, I realise how much I had been depending on myself instead of God. Raymond was in the same shoes as me, but he obeyed and went and got back so much more in return.

Before that, I was always having this big mental block, "My situation in my family, especially financially, always obstructs me from doing great things for the Lord. Eg. Going overseas to experience Him and do things for Him." This time round, when many of my church friends went to Korea and other countries, I'm jealous of them. This big invisible but dangerous block came back to me.

However, slowly and steadily, God has been speaking to me. Throwing me into His arms whenever I feel sad about this, reminding me umpteen times that I have all His riches and inheritances because I am a child of God; I am not a poor kid.

On the whole, I want to give thanks because even though I didn't get to go Korea, but God spoke to me.

Woo! Straight after I give thanks about this, I wonder if God is giving me another test. I just checked my gmail and found out that NUS financial aid team has replied after much anticipation. I was so elated to see the word "successful" beside the Application Status! But minutes after I read through the details, I realised that I couldn't apply for the financial aid bursary after all! AH!!! Traumatising! Reason is all because of a Tuition Fee Loan (TFL) which I applied from the bank. I applied for a 50% TFL but the terms and conditions to apply the NUS bursary is to apply a 90% and above TFL. AH! So I can't get the bursary which is so important to me. I will try to ask the NUS financial aid team for help the next working day. This is so frustrating.
Thanks, Chuanyan for praying for me. I really need lots of patience! Straight after I shared in cell that I lack patience, God is moulding me. haha! Yea Man!


The other interesting thing that I've encoutered this week is much more comforting. Some people in my life asked me "What if, just what if, you realise that your God is actually a fake God? There is no God at all, no heaven at all. What will you do?" At that time, I didn't know how to answer. But I came across this song accidentally, and it answered my question. It's a song composed by a youth, not very famous, but his song really touch my heart. You can find it here: http://galvin.worshipsingapore.com/songs.php Go to the radio blog, and click on "Jiu Suan Zui Hou Mei You Tian Tang".

Chrous:
就算最后没有天堂
全都是脑海里的幻想
我还是会去双手把歌唱完
因为自从有了你以后
我生命才有了方向
感谢你将我背负往你扛

Next time when people ask me, I will just sing this song to them. That will be my answer.
God is real and true. There really is a heaven and hell existing.
But if, just if, and if, i realise that there's no heaven at all when I die, I will not regret because He has lead me through so much of my life especially when I was at my lowest pit, gave me direction, comfort and joy. Even if it's just a joke that destiny is trying to play on me, I will never exchange this God for any other thing. Because He has been so real in my life.

And the last thing I've learn is, I can choose to enjoy worshipping the Lord. That's something that I've learn in today's worship.