Quarter Century!

Hello 25! Time has passed in a flash, as always. And I saw this quote at the back of a mini ‘lock-kok’ van today – “Age is not a number, it’s how you feel.” Yea, I think I’ve gotta look beyond the number and

I actually feel pretty good about my 25^th year! I think it’s gonna be exciting with my upcoming new house, my without-supervision therapy sessions, my kinda-bonded youth cell, and my new zone cell with my good friends all inside! I’m looking forward!

Just to share an amazing time when God comforts my heart…

When I was looking back at 2013 one day, suddenly a thought came to me and it was so awful. A voice was telling me that I’m lousy and I haven’t been at my best in 2013. I was sulking about it. Then my cousin asked me to search for his baby picture, and I began to flip through my old photos. And I found lots of cards that people wrote to me, each thanking me for blessing their lives somehow and sending me their best wishes.

There was a handmade 2006 scheduler with many of my JC friends’ baby photographs (some naked, some taking their baby steps, some just flashing their smiles). They knew I love young children and decided to make me love them more by showing me their baby photos. But they didn’t know I already love them for who they are. :)  

There was another handmade booklet/diary for me to jot down my daily journal when I was in Shui for 2.5 months. It was a trialing time for me as I struggle with homesickness, finances and loneliness. But all the photos of my ‘C girls’ and funky messages at the sides were the very significant strings that I held on to during those days. I shouldn’t say that the Shui experience was totally bad because when I was reading what I wrote, I found myself marveling at God’s creation or His works of blessings almost every day! Between some pages were snippets of drawings by the kids or youths and they want me to keep them and bless me with it. I was drawn to the simplicity of life there… And I’m missing it. I think I’ll go back one day. Maybe in 2015!

Then, there were 2 big cards made of drawing board for my past birthdays. One by ‘C girls’ when we were like in our teenage years. Those were the times we made time to create handmade cards and there was so much sincerity in that big card. I think I lost it too. The other handmade card was done by a little mischievous boy, my cell member then. For a year, I volunteered to take up the sec 1 boys cell! I think I was crazy! I didn’t know how I survived through that year! During cell, I was mostly angry and frustrated. Tried to be fun with them (they were boys after all), but I think I couldn’t take it. I still prefer the warm and cuddly girls cell where we cry about broken friendships or bad results and share deep about relationship with God. But I remembered being very touched receiving this card from him. It was a big Garfield drawn on the cover and coloured. And inside was just a few words ‘Thank you Shumin for teaching me. Happy birthday!’

I know my identity in Christ, but it’s really nice to be appreciated for who I am. I guess everybody needs a bit of that. And without these people,

•          I wouldn’t be a ‘C girls’ member (we named ourselves that because all our surnames begin with ‘c’)
•          I would be the only girl in a F. Maths-Maths C-Physics class (there was only 5 girls in my class)
•          I would not be the only female cell leader leading a boys cell
•          I wouldn’t be who I am today.
• 
  

After cruising through 2013, I think 2014 is a year when I’ll soar! :)

The best is yet ahead! 

Christmas Day

On this Christmas day,

I went on a lunch date with my favourite Jesus. 

Mini fish with double baked cheese potato

Had an extremely fun party with Rebels.

12 years of friendship

And made some fake foods. 

It's horrendously fun!

And realised that Christmas is not about presents or foods, but the love of friends!  

I'm drowning in the love of friendship~! 

LOL with these videos!

I'm totally in love with all these little ones!  And they can make me laugh out loud all day long! 

In no order of ranking, 

1. A pair of twins talking to each other

There's just so much turn-taking and eye contact.  I love it when they break into laughter as if they both understood each other's jokes!  They make me believe that baby talk might actually be a real language which can be transcribed. 

2. I don't like you mummy

Kids are so frank and simple. They just say what they really mean. Adults ought to learn from them. 

3. Charlie bit my finger

I've been watching this for the upteen time! And the older brother's expression never fail to amuse me. 

4. Youtube Challenge: I told my kids I ate all their Halloween candies

Awww... The candies mean the whole world to them! 

5. Twins dancing while dad plays guitar

I TOTALLY LOVE it when they look at each other and find their connection before they start dancing! 

6. Baby laughing

This baby's infectious laughter is a secret weapon to cheer up any angry soul.

7. Quadruplet babies laughing

Eh-heh-heh-heh! They're echoing each other's laughters! 

8. Emerson-Mommy's nose is scary!

I like her shocked eyes! 

9. Emotional baby-mommy's singing makes baby cries

She has so much emotions in her when she's so young. It seems like she can connect with the song.

10. Babies laughing at dogs

They say dogs are human's best friend! They are great play mates too!

People die...

every day...

So why the difference in hype between the death of Paul Walker and those people who died in the Typhoon Hainan in Phillipines? 

This thought came to me when my husband commented that it's interesting how people mourn over this one person who died in a car crash vs many who died in the disaster. 

Probably the more popular you are, the more people know you and is more attached to you. So the death of one actually matters more to the people alive. Even though they may know you through a screen, they've got some personal memories attached to you. 

So now I wonder, what happens if I die... And what I hope to see when I die...

- My husband and parent will receive my insurance money.  And they'll use the money for education of my siblings, better life for my mum, let my husband buy more Nerf guns or things that he likes so that he can forget his misery faster, and donate them to help children with special needs. 

- My husband and family members will be very upset because they'll miss my nagging and my presence. And they'll get themselves back together again. My sis and bro will be more mature and able to carry some responsibilities of the family so my mum can be less burdened. My mum can travel with her friends, and see the world more. My mum enjoys the company of my siblings. My husband will cry for me and feel the absence of me. But he'll find another woman who loves him and he'll still remember me but, he'll loves this new woman too and have a happy family. 

- Rebels will feel that life is so short and they'll wish they have more time for me, or I have more time for them. Every time when they look at our old photos, they'll miss me and tear. But time will wash away things. And they'll begin to realise the amazing pace of life and it's fragility. Life is more than just chasing your dreams and earning a living and living the sorrows. But there's a God that makes all things worthwhile and purposeful. And they'll begin to believe in God and I'll watch them from above and watch how their lives orchestrate. And one by one, God will touch their lives, heal their past hurts (& hurts that they don't even know they have), breakthrough any past belief system that had, and experience the overwhelming love of God! 

- My other very close friends will feel the pains of losing me. But realise that they can still move on and they'll treasure the people around them even more. And hopefully, this importance of cherishing people around them will stay longer and they'll extend their love to other people too. 

- Myself, I will sit with God. Enjoy the moment in His arms and smile because I know I'll be there forever... The earth will no longer be my home. And I have a new home. But I guess I'll miss my family and husband VERY MUCH, and my friends (rebels, Serene, c girls, etc) too. *i want to cry now* 

But I'll be in safe hands and I'll be watching over every one of you... 

This amazing little thing

It's a really tiny thing... 

We quibble about many things and tonight it's one of those. 

But tonight, I did something different.  I decided to do my Quiet Time (meaning to be quiet before God and listen to Him).  It's very much motivated by my best friend, Serene.  :) 

And this verse shouted at me! 

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7 NIV)

And then God spoke.  And I listened.  There!  Revelation!  

I explained what God told me to him and he lay on my lap and smiled.  The simplest and least painful patch up ever!  

But actually, I learned something more.  If one were to love someone with their own love, it's a tough business.  One can't just accommodate another person fully with his/her love.  That's why to love someone with God's love makes total sense!  Only God has limitless amount of love.  :) 

Anticipation vs Expectation

"Anticipation intensifies our feelings to an event."

This is so super duper true.  Without anticipation, it seems like all the festivals, events, and special occasions are just another ordinary day.  Sometimes, as a relationship runs for a certain amount of time, many things begin to lose it's importance...  Slowly, it'll lose its meaning and gradually you'll forget it exists... :(

Expectation is like the neutral term to 'anticipation', because anticipation means "look forward", "I can't wait", "eager", etc... Expectation, on the other hand, seems more business-like. Without much positive or negative connotation. Sometimes, expectation brings forth stress and obligation...  Most of the time, I guess it's like that.  Then again, proceeding with something without expectation sounds wrong also.  Well, guess everything is about BALANCE.

Oh well, I anticipate because I expect something.  Now when that something does not occur, my expectation is killed and there's nothing more to anticipate anymore.  And after that, I'll learn to not expect, so I won't anticipate, and thus no dejection.  Then, life seems to be easier...  Maybe sometimes better because there's lesser disappointment.  I thought I've seen passed the horizon and my heart grew bigger.  Or maybe colder...

Ok, I'm blabbering nonsense.

I should learn to anticipate something...  My anticipation skill seems to drop ever since my courses ended, my holidays ended,...
So, probably I should start anticipating over my wedding anniversary, then Christmas!  Ok!
Decided!

Or probably it should work this way, even if expectation fails, I should just move on and anticipate another thing and not dwell on the past...

Edited version: The previous post was a little too... Sad.  So, here what I think after pondering on it for a while. 

I think I figured out the diff. 

Expectation: for things that should be done. After it's done, it's done. Because it SHOULD BE done. 

Anticipation: for things that after completion, one feels a sense of happiness and excitement. 

Sometimes when we get too busy with work or routine things, anticipation just died.  Because it's finishing what we are expected to do.  

And it's easy to build anticipation!  Just plan something different in the day!  Try out a new method of teaching kids.  Buy some snacks for tea with colleagues.  Look out for chances to help others.  

And all of these bring some happiness and excitement to me.  :) 

Woah! Married!

Yes, I'm very much married!  In another 44 days, it'll be our 1st wedding anniversary!  Excited!

I don't know why I'm writing about this after not writing this blog for so long.  Probably that's the most happening thing that happened to me after so long.  :)

Many people asked about the difference before and after marriage, and even so, why marry?  But I do feel some sort of difference and realise the importance.

• We grew to understand each other more.  
• Habits (e.g. sleeping, eating, entertainment, bathing, personal hygiene, etc)
• Thoughts and ideas (e.g. what fills our tank, monetary, work, church, serving, etc) 
• We quarrel less. 
• Probably because of the above, we know what each other is thinking about. And even during arguments, we know what to do to appease each other. 
• We spend more time at home (and save more ka-ching too).
• We much prefer staying home and doing things together (watch dramas, build Gundam, laze around in bed, talk to each other, etc) than going outside. 
• We trust each other more. 
• We spend lesser time communicating with each other during the day time because we know we're gonna come back to each other in the evening.  So, we don't have to report where to go or what we do.  Or even when we hang out with opposite gender, there is no jealousy issue at all.  Amazing! 
• We can go home and go overseas together! 
• I like that the best!  Now, we don't have to walk circles near my house purposefully to spend more time together.  And we can explore places together without being separated.  :)  Blissfulness! 

What's so important about marriage?
There's this connection formed between us which is unexplainable.  It's as if I can feel him even when he is far away.  Maybe it's something divine and out of this world.  I feel very safe and I know where I belong, to this home and family that we are going to build together.  This is a marriage, a life long marriage.  Not just a wedding ceremony.  Many couples can cohabitate, and society now does not hold much benefit of marriage.  But I think emotionally, it really is DIFFERENT.