Drop it

A trivial sight. 

A 3-year-old was walking along, hand-held by her mum. 

As she walked, one shoe slipped off, and she didn't even realized it. It was her mum who saw it and got her to put it on. 

It's like... 

As we walk with God, hand held by Him. We don't even need to worry about things dropping out of our bag, because He's all that matters. God has captured our attention so fully that we didn't even notice our phone vibrating, our washing machine beeping, our shoes slipping... 

Maybe the causal relationship isn't to drop it, then be closer to Him. 

Maybe it's to be closer to Him, then we'll drop it. Actually, by that time, to drop it or not, doesn't seem to be a matter of concern anymore. 

Words

Too many. 

Filter. 

How?

Remove negative. Replace with positive. 

Walk the world with a filter. You don't have to absorb every thing. Just the ones that make positive impact in your life. 

Some might make your heart smile.

Some might not be pleasing to the ears. 

But these are the ones you wanna keep in your heart. 

Unpack it

Whenever I get home, I've got the habit to unpack my bag. Empty it. Make sure every thing is in the right place right where they should be. 

I guess it makes sense relating it back to God too. Whenever I go back to God, I need to lay down my thoughts, my burdens, and my troubles. Just stay at His feet and be with Him. Setting my path straight. 

Some habits are good to have. 

I should inculcate it into my life. :) 

Don't be so angst, teacher...

"Why do you have the ring on your little finger?" I asked. 

The chirpy child sunken with a sad face immediately. 

"It's painful." She said. 

"Did you tell your teacher?"

She shook her head. 

"Your teacher won't scold you. If you tell her, she can help you. Next time, you should let her know. Ok?" 

Sad face. :( 

But perhaps I said the words too soon. When the child told the teacher, with me around, the teacher wasn't too encouraging about it. It was even a little reproachful. So, I had to explain to the teacher. 

Angsty. Some teachers are just angst about every thing. Even teaching session can sound like a reprimanding session, with voices raised, finger pointing, and bloodshot eyes. (ok. Maybe not bloodshot, but piercing stares.) I can't imagine how scary it must be for the kids. However, truly kids adapt really fast and they manage to survive, taking in some techniques (stay low) to avoid being scolded. While some daredevils fight back by shouting louder than teacher, and some just 'arrow' their friends. 

I don't know if I can do this, if I were them. 

On a serious note, teachers, please don't lose your passion for the kids. Some days are difficult and it's tough when you have challenging kids, but creating an environment where kids learn the right attitude to life, learning and friendship goes a long way. You never know you're impacting their lives in ways beyond your imagination. 

Frozen

Monday movie night

I was really frozen in the theatre, anyway. It was freezing but the songs kept me sitting through the movie. I really love musicals, theatre musical, movie musical, and animation musical, I love it all! I like how songs bring out the crescendos of emotions and lead me deeper into the character's thought processes.

'Frozen' has an interesting plot and the songs make it even better! It's the story of a princess, Elsa, who possesses cryokinetic powers, and she accidentally hurts her younger sister, Anna, one day. So, her parents told her to conceal her powers and shut all doors in the palace. And the story begins...

I particularly love this song "Let it go". I love how the song brings the listener through a saddening scene of her leaving her palace, and it brightens up into her accepting who she really is and discovering the limits of her power, but ended with nonchalance and a tinge of sadness.

It's a pity that the ending is such a rush, when everything just happens so quickly that things doesn't make sense anymore. The sword breaks when it tries to cut through ice. Suddenly, the snow storm cleared when Elsa thought Anna was dead. So coincidentally, all the characters were around the same place. 

Reflection

Could there be anything that I might be concealing because of social pressure or even self-induced pressure? 

Hmm... Maybe... Sometimes I thought of some verses or how God will think when I'm out with my friends or colleagues, but I choose to keep it within myself and not voice out. Probably because I don't want them to think of me as being religious or afraid of the change in mood after saying it. I guess I need to "let it go... let it go... can't hold it back anymore... I don't care what they're going to say." haha!  

What if I can choose a superpower, what will it be? 

The list: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryokinesis#Origins

I can't decide between telepathy, time manipulation and invisibility. 

Telepathy: I can know exactly what people are thinking and I can communicate with them without words.

Time manipulation: I can slow down time when I'm with my favourite people, like Serene! 

Invisibility: I can know what people are doing when they're alone. 

So interesting! What will your choice be? 

Quarter Century!

Hello 25! Time has passed in a flash, as always. And I saw this quote at the back of a mini ‘lock-kok’ van today – “Age is not a number, it’s how you feel.” Yea, I think I’ve gotta look beyond the number and

I actually feel pretty good about my 25^th year! I think it’s gonna be exciting with my upcoming new house, my without-supervision therapy sessions, my kinda-bonded youth cell, and my new zone cell with my good friends all inside! I’m looking forward!

Just to share an amazing time when God comforts my heart…

When I was looking back at 2013 one day, suddenly a thought came to me and it was so awful. A voice was telling me that I’m lousy and I haven’t been at my best in 2013. I was sulking about it. Then my cousin asked me to search for his baby picture, and I began to flip through my old photos. And I found lots of cards that people wrote to me, each thanking me for blessing their lives somehow and sending me their best wishes.

There was a handmade 2006 scheduler with many of my JC friends’ baby photographs (some naked, some taking their baby steps, some just flashing their smiles). They knew I love young children and decided to make me love them more by showing me their baby photos. But they didn’t know I already love them for who they are. :)  

There was another handmade booklet/diary for me to jot down my daily journal when I was in Shui for 2.5 months. It was a trialing time for me as I struggle with homesickness, finances and loneliness. But all the photos of my ‘C girls’ and funky messages at the sides were the very significant strings that I held on to during those days. I shouldn’t say that the Shui experience was totally bad because when I was reading what I wrote, I found myself marveling at God’s creation or His works of blessings almost every day! Between some pages were snippets of drawings by the kids or youths and they want me to keep them and bless me with it. I was drawn to the simplicity of life there… And I’m missing it. I think I’ll go back one day. Maybe in 2015!

Then, there were 2 big cards made of drawing board for my past birthdays. One by ‘C girls’ when we were like in our teenage years. Those were the times we made time to create handmade cards and there was so much sincerity in that big card. I think I lost it too. The other handmade card was done by a little mischievous boy, my cell member then. For a year, I volunteered to take up the sec 1 boys cell! I think I was crazy! I didn’t know how I survived through that year! During cell, I was mostly angry and frustrated. Tried to be fun with them (they were boys after all), but I think I couldn’t take it. I still prefer the warm and cuddly girls cell where we cry about broken friendships or bad results and share deep about relationship with God. But I remembered being very touched receiving this card from him. It was a big Garfield drawn on the cover and coloured. And inside was just a few words ‘Thank you Shumin for teaching me. Happy birthday!’

I know my identity in Christ, but it’s really nice to be appreciated for who I am. I guess everybody needs a bit of that. And without these people,

•          I wouldn’t be a ‘C girls’ member (we named ourselves that because all our surnames begin with ‘c’)
•          I would be the only girl in a F. Maths-Maths C-Physics class (there was only 5 girls in my class)
•          I would not be the only female cell leader leading a boys cell
•          I wouldn’t be who I am today.
• 
  

After cruising through 2013, I think 2014 is a year when I’ll soar! :)

The best is yet ahead! 

Christmas Day

On this Christmas day,

I went on a lunch date with my favourite Jesus. 

Mini fish with double baked cheese potato

Had an extremely fun party with Rebels.

12 years of friendship

And made some fake foods. 

It's horrendously fun!

And realised that Christmas is not about presents or foods, but the love of friends!  

I'm drowning in the love of friendship~! 

LOL with these videos!

I'm totally in love with all these little ones!  And they can make me laugh out loud all day long! 

In no order of ranking, 

1. A pair of twins talking to each other

There's just so much turn-taking and eye contact.  I love it when they break into laughter as if they both understood each other's jokes!  They make me believe that baby talk might actually be a real language which can be transcribed. 

2. I don't like you mummy

Kids are so frank and simple. They just say what they really mean. Adults ought to learn from them. 

3. Charlie bit my finger

I've been watching this for the upteen time! And the older brother's expression never fail to amuse me. 

4. Youtube Challenge: I told my kids I ate all their Halloween candies

Awww... The candies mean the whole world to them! 

5. Twins dancing while dad plays guitar

I TOTALLY LOVE it when they look at each other and find their connection before they start dancing! 

6. Baby laughing

This baby's infectious laughter is a secret weapon to cheer up any angry soul.

7. Quadruplet babies laughing

Eh-heh-heh-heh! They're echoing each other's laughters! 

8. Emerson-Mommy's nose is scary!

I like her shocked eyes! 

9. Emotional baby-mommy's singing makes baby cries

She has so much emotions in her when she's so young. It seems like she can connect with the song.

10. Babies laughing at dogs

They say dogs are human's best friend! They are great play mates too!

People die...

every day...

So why the difference in hype between the death of Paul Walker and those people who died in the Typhoon Hainan in Phillipines? 

This thought came to me when my husband commented that it's interesting how people mourn over this one person who died in a car crash vs many who died in the disaster. 

Probably the more popular you are, the more people know you and is more attached to you. So the death of one actually matters more to the people alive. Even though they may know you through a screen, they've got some personal memories attached to you. 

So now I wonder, what happens if I die... And what I hope to see when I die...

- My husband and parent will receive my insurance money.  And they'll use the money for education of my siblings, better life for my mum, let my husband buy more Nerf guns or things that he likes so that he can forget his misery faster, and donate them to help children with special needs. 

- My husband and family members will be very upset because they'll miss my nagging and my presence. And they'll get themselves back together again. My sis and bro will be more mature and able to carry some responsibilities of the family so my mum can be less burdened. My mum can travel with her friends, and see the world more. My mum enjoys the company of my siblings. My husband will cry for me and feel the absence of me. But he'll find another woman who loves him and he'll still remember me but, he'll loves this new woman too and have a happy family. 

- Rebels will feel that life is so short and they'll wish they have more time for me, or I have more time for them. Every time when they look at our old photos, they'll miss me and tear. But time will wash away things. And they'll begin to realise the amazing pace of life and it's fragility. Life is more than just chasing your dreams and earning a living and living the sorrows. But there's a God that makes all things worthwhile and purposeful. And they'll begin to believe in God and I'll watch them from above and watch how their lives orchestrate. And one by one, God will touch their lives, heal their past hurts (& hurts that they don't even know they have), breakthrough any past belief system that had, and experience the overwhelming love of God! 

- My other very close friends will feel the pains of losing me. But realise that they can still move on and they'll treasure the people around them even more. And hopefully, this importance of cherishing people around them will stay longer and they'll extend their love to other people too. 

- Myself, I will sit with God. Enjoy the moment in His arms and smile because I know I'll be there forever... The earth will no longer be my home. And I have a new home. But I guess I'll miss my family and husband VERY MUCH, and my friends (rebels, Serene, c girls, etc) too. *i want to cry now* 

But I'll be in safe hands and I'll be watching over every one of you... 

This amazing little thing

It's a really tiny thing... 

We quibble about many things and tonight it's one of those. 

But tonight, I did something different.  I decided to do my Quiet Time (meaning to be quiet before God and listen to Him).  It's very much motivated by my best friend, Serene.  :) 

And this verse shouted at me! 

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7 NIV)

And then God spoke.  And I listened.  There!  Revelation!  

I explained what God told me to him and he lay on my lap and smiled.  The simplest and least painful patch up ever!  

But actually, I learned something more.  If one were to love someone with their own love, it's a tough business.  One can't just accommodate another person fully with his/her love.  That's why to love someone with God's love makes total sense!  Only God has limitless amount of love.  :) 

Anticipation vs Expectation

"Anticipation intensifies our feelings to an event."

This is so super duper true.  Without anticipation, it seems like all the festivals, events, and special occasions are just another ordinary day.  Sometimes, as a relationship runs for a certain amount of time, many things begin to lose it's importance...  Slowly, it'll lose its meaning and gradually you'll forget it exists... :(

Expectation is like the neutral term to 'anticipation', because anticipation means "look forward", "I can't wait", "eager", etc... Expectation, on the other hand, seems more business-like. Without much positive or negative connotation. Sometimes, expectation brings forth stress and obligation...  Most of the time, I guess it's like that.  Then again, proceeding with something without expectation sounds wrong also.  Well, guess everything is about BALANCE.

Oh well, I anticipate because I expect something.  Now when that something does not occur, my expectation is killed and there's nothing more to anticipate anymore.  And after that, I'll learn to not expect, so I won't anticipate, and thus no dejection.  Then, life seems to be easier...  Maybe sometimes better because there's lesser disappointment.  I thought I've seen passed the horizon and my heart grew bigger.  Or maybe colder...

Ok, I'm blabbering nonsense.

I should learn to anticipate something...  My anticipation skill seems to drop ever since my courses ended, my holidays ended,...
So, probably I should start anticipating over my wedding anniversary, then Christmas!  Ok!
Decided!

Or probably it should work this way, even if expectation fails, I should just move on and anticipate another thing and not dwell on the past...

Edited version: The previous post was a little too... Sad.  So, here what I think after pondering on it for a while. 

I think I figured out the diff. 

Expectation: for things that should be done. After it's done, it's done. Because it SHOULD BE done. 

Anticipation: for things that after completion, one feels a sense of happiness and excitement. 

Sometimes when we get too busy with work or routine things, anticipation just died.  Because it's finishing what we are expected to do.  

And it's easy to build anticipation!  Just plan something different in the day!  Try out a new method of teaching kids.  Buy some snacks for tea with colleagues.  Look out for chances to help others.  

And all of these bring some happiness and excitement to me.  :) 

Woah! Married!

Yes, I'm very much married!  In another 44 days, it'll be our 1st wedding anniversary!  Excited!

I don't know why I'm writing about this after not writing this blog for so long.  Probably that's the most happening thing that happened to me after so long.  :)

Many people asked about the difference before and after marriage, and even so, why marry?  But I do feel some sort of difference and realise the importance.

• We grew to understand each other more.  
• Habits (e.g. sleeping, eating, entertainment, bathing, personal hygiene, etc)
• Thoughts and ideas (e.g. what fills our tank, monetary, work, church, serving, etc) 
• We quarrel less. 
• Probably because of the above, we know what each other is thinking about. And even during arguments, we know what to do to appease each other. 
• We spend more time at home (and save more ka-ching too).
• We much prefer staying home and doing things together (watch dramas, build Gundam, laze around in bed, talk to each other, etc) than going outside. 
• We trust each other more. 
• We spend lesser time communicating with each other during the day time because we know we're gonna come back to each other in the evening.  So, we don't have to report where to go or what we do.  Or even when we hang out with opposite gender, there is no jealousy issue at all.  Amazing! 
• We can go home and go overseas together! 
• I like that the best!  Now, we don't have to walk circles near my house purposefully to spend more time together.  And we can explore places together without being separated.  :)  Blissfulness! 

What's so important about marriage?
There's this connection formed between us which is unexplainable.  It's as if I can feel him even when he is far away.  Maybe it's something divine and out of this world.  I feel very safe and I know where I belong, to this home and family that we are going to build together.  This is a marriage, a life long marriage.  Not just a wedding ceremony.  Many couples can cohabitate, and society now does not hold much benefit of marriage.  But I think emotionally, it really is DIFFERENT.

What is therapeutic?

10. Reading a book

9. Playing Coin Dozer & Cookie Dozer on iPhone

8. Watch Friends

7. Stare into space

6. Sleep with my Chou Chou

5. Peeping at other people's facebook profiles and photos

4. Online shopping @ gmarket

3. Eat Calbee Hot & Spicy (Un-ruffles)

2. Hanging out with friends

1. Putting my hair over my face for 10 secs

Wow! That was SOME hard time deciding my top 10. I just couldn't really decide which comes before which. Sometimes, I wanna just come up with some random questions and clear up my mind about them. haha!

Maybe that's what I will do when I'm out of job! But I kinda enjoy this lifestyle. Just going for tuition sessions with my kids, catching up with friends, making visits to play with little kids, reading books that I want to read without any stress, and sleeping till late! :)

I love being OUT OF JOB!

but not for too long...

If I have unlimited amount of money...

I'll give them away to all the orphanages.

I'll buy all the tissue packs from all the underprivileged.

I'll buy all the scrap booking materials from Made with Love.

I'll buy all my friends presents and treat them to good meals every day.

I'll buy a plot of land in Bugis and build a small cozy cottage for me and my family. There must be a small garden too.

I'll fly to USA to visit Weiying & Aussie to visit Rachel whenever I can.

and... I'll add more to the list when I think about it.

I was just bored, and I let my mind wonder around for a while. :)

I've grown...

FATTER!!!

It was just an innocent Penang trip. Just 4 days and 3 nights.

I was kinda expecting it but not that much!

I've only eaten:

3 Penang laska

2 Cha Kuay Teow

1 Cha Kuay (sth like sg carrot cake)

2 Chendol

1 Chendol with durian paste

1 Lau Bak (sth like sg wu xiang)

3 Durian Cheesecake from Secret Recipe

1 Chicken cornish from Secret Recipe

1 Chocolate banana cake from Secret Recipe

2 Hokkien Mee

2 whole durian

2 caramel popcorn

1 hotdog bun from A&W

2 curly fries from A&W

1 root beer float

2L of root beer

1 waffle with double ice cream from A&W

1 Seafood meal consisting of 2 cooking styles of crabs, crayfish and prawns

1 lor mee

many chicken wings

1 curry mee

1 roasted duck and shao rou with rice

10 satays

1 beef balls soup

and many that i cant rmb...

haha! But I really enjoyed the trip because it was really free and easy. And most importantly, Enhan led us around, being our fantastic tour guide! He even treated us to Toy Story 3 and caramel popcorn!!!

It was a fulfilling and "tummy-filling" trip! :)

The coming days will be a time for exercise!

An act of kindness

An interesing feeling always lingers in my heart after reading Mitch Albom's books. A deeper part of me seems to surface and set me thinking about life, and death. It really is a little dash between life's 2 most important dates-birth date & death date. To make the best dash is not easy, but I hope my dash will be bolder increasingly. That would mean an increase in depth.

I just read "Have A Little Faith". It truly inspires me to be a woman of God, living according to God's purpose for me, and doing more things to impact others around me. I realise that as I past my 2nd decade in life, I grew and matured, looking past the facade of life and grasping the cruel truth that surrounds our society. I used to briskly walk past aunties and uncles who were trying to sell me a few packs of tissues for $2. Until one day, I brushed my shoulders against this "tissue Aunty" at Bugis. I instantly feel her sweat on my skin. But my disgust was transformed into a tint of compassion. "She must be standing there for the whole afternoon." Because I walked really fast, I was already halfway into Bugis village. Feeling a sense of guilt, I made a turn, jostled through the crowd to reach her. It was just a small act of kindness, which I almost didn't manage.

When we are serving others, we're actually serving Jesus. It might just be a small gesture of kindness. But I would never have known how much that would mean to that Aunty.

And I'm very proud to say that I did an act of kindness again today.
Perhaps, this kindness is more for myself than for her, to ease my unsettled heart. But I hope that one day I can reach out to the "tissue Aunty".

Y camp

Frankly, I was really having mixed feelings after the camp. And I was really confused by my own feelings. And I thought that was ridiculous, so I spent some time reflecting on what I should thank God for in this camp, instead of surrounding myself with all the negative thoughts.

Indeed, it's not easy taking care of them, trying to hold an intellectual conversation with them, getting to know their inner world, and etc. But looking through the curtain of hard work that's filled with sweat, frustrations, and complains, I saw their smiley faces. Not just the bennies, but also my fellow volunteers. :)

It was then that I know my greatest takeaway from this camp.


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It's like a miracle

This is the skyline of Philadelphia.



This is the city hall and one liberty.

And I'm gonna meet them face-to-face in just 2 weeks time! Yes! I'm going to US, Philadelphia! "Philly"! "City of brotherly love"!

I've always enjoyed travelling but financially it's hard for me to do so. And this time, i'm so thankful to God that He gives me this chance to go with Junming and his mum. Junming's there on a biz trip, while me and jm's mum are there for sightseeing and shopping! And God is so good to allow my lecturers to permit me to join other tutorial slots. :)

God truly knows my inner desires.
And what's best is that He makes them happen!

Girls' outing!

It's been a long time since I had a girls' outing with my fellow church girls. I really had a good time with them.

Things we did:

1. Shopping aimlessly at city link.

2. Staring at some candy men making candy. Heard of the shop "Sticky"? I was quite amazed by the strength and effort that were required to make those rolls of candy. I didn't know how long we stood there. But I guess it was long enough till the staff thought we were not Singaporeans. Haha!

3. Dinning at Saizeriya, a really cheap and nice restaurant at Liang Court.

4. Playing "Truth & Truth"! All secrets must remain as secrets. :D

One of my to-do items for 2010: Spend more time with the girls! :)

I will miss all the potatoes!

I realise this sad truth about the favourtite thing in my life.

My favourite thing is potato.

And the sad truth is: I cannot eat it as often as I want now!

I told God that I want to have a healthy body this year. Away with all the cough, bad throat, and blocked nose. I had my fair share last Dec, during the festive season! :(

The main reason my throat inflammation haunted me again was because I ate too much potatoes. I was busy consuming potato chips & cheese fries right after my exams! I just rewarded myself too much.

That was when I realised that whenever I eat too much potatoes, my throat inflammation will visit me again, somehow.

Well, favourite things in life are not meant to be taken all in one go. I should savour them little by little. :)

Marching on to a healthy body! Hooray!